In Name Only

I have already noted the old man never said anything about his family ... and as usual I never asked. It was even more unusual than that ... six of seven of them lived within five walking blocks of our house on City Line. The old man never took me to visit any of them and I only remember his half brother coming to the house once .. for what ... I do not know .. his half brothers son ran the cub troup and was involved in St Judes church so I would see him there .. when I was being forced to be part of either one. They remained a mystery to me .. and really still are .. and that is unfortunate.

My mother's side of the family was just the opposite .. I knew who my mother's brothers and sisters were .. and all my cousins by name ... and most in fact ... I would see them in the summer ... and often we would be together in Nova Scotia at the old homestead where my mother spent her formative years .. there seemed to be beds for everyone ... and those times were the best my childhood would be ... my mother's maiden name is Mullen ... and I .. like she and her brothers and sisters before me ... were taught to revere that name ... the Mullens were a cut above most others .. well .. maybe the Royal Family would be an exception ...

I remember just before my father passed ... he was having another verbal jousting match with my mother .. and he made the point that my mother had poisoned my sister and I against him and his family ...  while my mother's family walked on water ... this was true .. although I didn't appreciate then ... she used the Mullen name both as a velvet glove and an iron fist ... my mother's biggest verbal condemnation of me would be the phrase ...'you are no Mullen' ... and that hurt because I thought the world of my uncles .. but it was designed to hurt ... she probably used that when I did something that embarrassed her in front of others .. or when I said something that she vehemently disagreed with ...

My mother's two favorite aphorisms were ... 'children should be seen and not heard' .. and ...'spare the rod, spoil the child' ... I had the first one down pat ... I was so far into my head I never said a thing ... the second one .. well .. I seemed to do things that required a physical intervention ... but mostly it was stepping outside behavioural bounds I never knew existed ... but she enjoyed it .. more than saying I wasn't a Mullen ... it didn't do anything ... other make me realize that she was just as complicated as the old man ... most of the time I didn't know what I had done ... it was just the need to lay pain on me for maybe ruining her day or spoiling her life ... it was the home version of the school's 'reign of terror' ... 

Rather than the rod ... the one thing she could have spared though was the 'Mullen'  ... but thanks to that occasional reminder over the years ... I definitely know what I am not .. and what I don't want to be ...

Phil (29 December 2020 - San Patricio de Melaque - 7:20 PM)

Krome Koan - 'Jesus .. save me from your followers'