Assume: The Admission

At the end of the 1971-72 university term we decided to change it up a bit regarding roommates and location .. one roommate returned .. one new one was added and we moved to Needham Street .. a little further away from the University but a similar apartment layout and more room with just three of us.

By now BD had finished her studies and was practice teaching .. she had her own car ... and we were able to travel on the weekends .. once to Calais, Maine .. I bought Catch Bull at Four there .. and once to Moncton to see Lighthouse ... Bob McBride was a force of nature ... one of the best rock male vocalists of all time .. gone too soon from drugs and alcohol.

But over 1972 and 1973 ... some behaviour on my part started to be a problem for BD .. and I say this looking back ... not in the moment back then.

The first problem was I wanted to be with her all the time ... she literally had a hard time carving out space for her own family ... and there was a reason for this ... and it wasn't a good one ... when BD was with me .. I felt like I could do anything ... I had no issues .. I had confidence .. I could be comfortable in social situations requiring me to 'work the crowd' ... in other words I was 'normal' when I was her ... she had become my self esteem ... it was all wrapped up in her ... I remember one time .. it took her most of a day to convince me it would be ok for her to go away for a weekend ... I was having problems operating without her with me ... 

The other issue was my drinking .. BD's father was an alcoholic .. and she would never talk about what it did to the family .. I always sensed there was an untold story of real pain and anguish there ... I already have said we had access to a lot of beer ... and we certainly enjoyed that access from Thursday until Monday .. and BD would be there to observe all of this debauchery .. plus we had plenty of weed ... 

By now BD and I simply took for granted we would get married .. that was the path we were on ... and for her birthday I think I gave her an umbrella .. and Xmas ... a clock radio ... you can see already what you might have expected and hoped for versus what I had given her ... also we had really stopped having her over to my mother's house .. my mother was simply a seething pit of sarcasm waiting to break out .. and BD provided the perfect outlet for that ...

The signs were all around me as to what was coming ... but I was still too far in my head to read them .. and ... I just assumed she would be always be there ... I can't even believe I am writing that ... it's a painful admission ... because if you don't nurture and cherish the things you love ... they find that somewhere else ... 


Phil (8 January 2021 - San Patricio de Melaque - 8:21 PM


Krome Koan - 'Assumption is the mother of all regrets'




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